Tess was standing in the garden having a cigarette when she saw Gallagher enter the main room shortly after dinner. She opened the door of Apartment 311A and blew smoke inside. "I just want you to know that I'm freezing my ass off out here."
"It's a perfectly tolerable 23 degrees, madame."
"Yeah, sure. Tolerable for you maybe but I take to chill easily, I've got a cranky thyroid. Besides, you've got that snazzy jacket to keep you warm," she said.
"What? This old rag?" Gallagher quipped with a smile.
Tess butted her smoke out in an ashtray and entered the room. "Don't we look all fancy-schmancy," she teased. "Mr. Therapist. Ha! You've even got a clipboard."
Gallagher scowled. "I thought it might be helpful to take some notes."
"Notes, that makes sense." Tess plopped down onto one of the chaise loungers and bounced up and down several times. "Hmmm. I don't think I like these anymore. I'm going to change them." With that, she stood up and snapped her fingers. The chaise loungers disappeared and were replaced in an instant with two overstuffed leather chairs and a long low settee in the same covering. "There, that's better. How can you therapize me if we don't have a couch I can lay on?"
"I'm sure we'd have managed, madame, but if you're happier with this arrangement it works fine for me. Do we want any tea? Water? Are there any butlering duties I should attend to before we begin?"
"Nope. I'm fine. I'm tickety!" Tess said as she lay down on the couch. She crossed her arms over her chest and closed her eyes. "Hey Gallagher, do I look dead? Woooooooo," she wailed. "I am the ghost of Elvis."
She snickered quietly.
Gallagher sighed.
Tess bolted upright. "Hey, Gallagher, are you going to hyp-no-tize me?" She brought her hands up in front of her face and wiggled her fingers at herself, "Oooo, I am getting so sleepy!" she said with a Punjabi accent.
"Are you done with your foolishness, madame?"
"Why should I be done?" she said defensively. "Besides, every time I laugh I swear that thing over there gets bigger. Watch."
Gallagher turned his head and stared at the orb. "Nothing's happening," he said.
"Of course nothing's happening! I didn't laugh, that's why. I need to think of something funny first. Tell me a joke."
"I can't think of any jokes right now, madame."
"None?" Tess said incredulously. "Okay. Make a funny face then."
"Couldn't you tickle yourself, madame?"
"That won't work. You can't make yourself laugh from a tickle you know is coming."
"If I make a face at you I won't be able to look at the spot at the same time."
"Ha!" Tess laughed. The spot on the wall shimmered and did appear to grow a tiny bit larger.
"What was funny about what I just said?" Gallagher questioned
"I don't know," Tess said. "It was just the way you said it, it was funny. Don't ask me to explain these things."
Gallagher wrinkled his brow as he eased himself into one of the armchairs. "At least it did the trick. Shall we begin?"
"Sure. How do you think we should start? I know! Why don't you ask me some questions, that's the way most therapists start. Oh, wait," she cautioned. "I should probably have my Beautiful Phuckedupedness with me." Tess made a cooing sound and the strange black beast leapt into her lap and curled up like a cat. "There. I'm ready. Shoot."
"All right." Gallagher crossed one leg over the other and settled the clipboard against his thigh. "Why don't you tell me about your mother and father. . . "
Tess dismissed him with a wave of her hand. "You already know about them. Ask me something else."
Gallagher tapped the pen in his hand against his forehead. "Okay. Why don't we talk about your education. You say you want to be a psychologist, when did you decide that?"
"About a year ago," Tess replied. "It was when my mother was dying and I thought it might be good for me to have some kind of goal that would help take me forward after she was gone. However," she added, "I also think I'd make a good one. I like helping people," she said. "I gravitate to it naturally."
"Did you ever take any psychology courses in college," Gallagher asked.
"I never went to college," Tess said. "But my father got a degree in social work and I used to read all the dirty parts of his psychology texts. Ha!"
Gallagher pressed his pen to the surface of the clipboard and moved it up and down.
"What was that?" Tess asked.
"What?"
"That," she said as she pointed to the clipboard. "That thing you wrote down. Can I see it?"
"It's a squiggle, madame." Gallagher flipped the clipboard her way. "I do that," he parodied, "doodle when I'm trying to think." He placed the clipboard back squarely on his lap. "You said you didn't go to college. Did you finish high-school?"
"No," Tess said.
"What did you finish?
"Eight," she said.
"Eight what?"
"Eight grades."
"Why did you only finish eighth grade?" he asked as he scribbled some more on the paper.
"Because I failed ninth grade twice and then I started working."
"How old were you when you started doing that?"
"15," she said.
Gallagher continued to doodle. "Why were you working when you were 15?"
"Because my father ran off with my mother's best friend and wouldn't pay child support so Colleen and I got jobs, and Mom too so we could all have a roof over our heads. That's why."
"Gallagher laid the pen down across the clipboard. "I thought you said I knew everything about your parents?"
"Well you do. Mostly. That was just... you know," Tess absently scratched at the side of her neck, "One of those other things that you didn't know."
Gallagher shook his head from side to side. "That must've devastated your mother. A person doesn't get over something like that."
"Well, sure they do," Tess said. "If they want to. Shouldn't it be their choice?"
"Was that your mother's choice?" Gallagher questioned.
"No," Tess said. "She never forgave my father or her friend, but it might have been better all the way around if she had."
"Why do you say that, madame?"
"You can call me Tess, you know."
"Okay Tess. Why do you say that?"
"Because then she wouldn't have had to carry the weight of that burden around all her life. What's more, Colleen and I probably wouldn't have had to quit school and get jobs."
"True," he conceded, "but forgiveness is a personal thing."
"Right," Tess agreed. "And a person should be allowed to forgive if they want to."
"Absolutely," Gallagher confirmed. "Do you have anyone to forgive, ma . . . Tess?"
The creature on Tess' lap stirred. "Probably," she said. "Doesn't everyone?"
"Who do you have to forgive?
Tess paused. "Five-Star Woman. I have to forgive her for taking my Friend away from me. You should write that down," she said, "it's probably important. And I might have to forgive Limh, and maybe my AC too. But certainly not Leprosy Man. And not my mother or father either -- I already forgave them their transgressions. They were just doing the best they could in the circumstances they found themselves in. They screwed up sometimes, but they loved us. Oh yeah, I don't have to forgive my Beloved for anything either. He loves me and I love him too. He's beautiful."
Gallagher nodded and jotted with his pen on the clipboard. "What do you think we're here to do, Tess?"
"I figure we're here to get me better, Gallagher. And not just me, but my AC too. And Limh -- I think she's broken. We stood together. If I've fallen, she must have fallen too. I just have this feeling that Limh is in a house up in space of her own somewhere. I sure hope she has a Gallagher with her.
"I don't see how we can help your Friends, Tess. Don't you think it's more important that we focus on getting you better?"
"How can I get better if my Friends aren't better, Gallagher? I think maybe we all have to get better together."
Gallagher put his pen down once more. "Since Limh doesn't speak to you and you're not allowed to speak to your AC, how do you propose we do that?"
Tess lifted the Beautiful Phuckedupedness on her lap into her arms and then scooched herself forward, up and off the settee. She faced Gallagher and then abruptly turned her back to him. "Lift my top," she said.
"Madame?"
"No, really. Go ahead and lift it. I feel confident you won't go wild with passion and rape me or something. It's just a back."
Gallagher grasped the hem of Tess' pajama top and hesitantly lifted it.
"Now look carefully," she instructed. "Between the place where wings would rise up if we were angels. It's just a small line. Do you see it?"
Gallagher peered closely and detected the shadow of an angry red scar that ran vertically down Tess' back. He dropped her top back down. "What is it?" he asked.
"It's where my AC and I were joined," she said. "We were connected, but not face-to-face. Face-to-face is for Beloveds. That's not what he and I were. We were back-to-back. We made each other stronger, more capable of facing outward into our own lives. Although," she said sadly, "neither one of us has been able to do that for the other lately. Now, look again. Is there a tiny gold thread there, down at the bottom?"
"I see it," he said.
Tess sighed with relief.
Gallagher scribbled on his clipboard.
"That's all that keeps us connected now but as long as it's there -- a little bit can still get through."
Tess arranged herself on the settee once more. "I figure Gallagher, that we'll know I'm getting better by the size of My Happiness. And some of that Happiness will leak through to my AC, see? And then he'll get better too."
"What's wrong with him?"
"He's like me," Tess said. "He's dispirited. He's been wounded. He was in a war too, but it was a different kind. And the same thing that happened to me happened to him. I'm not connected to Limh in the same way, but I know how to beam goodness to her. Do you know how to do that?"
"I'm not sure I do," Gallagher said as he leaned his head on one hand. "Tell me."
"Well," Tess began, "you have to think of the person. You have to think good thoughts for them and about them and then, when you feel that warmth welling up in your heart, you have to kind of ~ push ~ it out of you, out into the Universe. I can't explain how to do that part. I just know it can be done. I used to send those kind of beams out to Five-Star Woman," she added, "but I don't anymore."
"So you want me to help fix you and fix Limh and fix your AC all at the same time?"
Tess nodded her head eagerly, up and down.
"Heaven help us," Gallagher said. He took his glasses off and rested them on the end table. He rubbed his hands over his face and then returned the glasses to their proper position, sliding them up the bridge of his nose with one finger. "That's an awfully tall order."
"I know," Tess said. "But we have to try. It's the only thing that will fix me."
"All right. We'll try. I think we've talked about this enough tonight, don't you?"
"I do," Tess agreed. "I'm tired now. You can have the couch next time if you want."
