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21-JAN-2002 11:52: The Arrival of Various Sundry Items

Tess woke to a gentle tap-tap-tap on her shoulder.

"Madame? It's time to wake-up."

"Huh? I am awake," Tess protested as she pulled the covers over her head.

"Delightful, madame!" Gallagher said cheerfully. "It appears we have a very busy day before us. I've brought you breakfast so we can get started."

"Really? You did?" Tess stuck her head out from under the covers. "You brought me breakfast in bed? Gallagher, I swear you're the best butler I've ever had!" She rearranged the blankets and plumped up the pillows behind her as Gallagher placed a breakfast tray on her lap. "What's on the agenda for this morning?" she asked with a yawn.

"Your things have arrived, madame. I thought we should put them in order."

"Oh, good. My things. Did my writing desk come?"

"Indeed, madame. Where would you like it?"

Tess gestured with a finger as she sipped at her coffee. "Over there in the corner, next to the windows. And speaking of windows, did the window seat make it?"

"It has, madame. I set it opposite the fireplace on the far side of the main room, just as you'd specified. And where would you like that very large chest with all the teeny-tiny drawers?"

Tess excitedly clapped her hands together. "Wonderful! My drawers came. I figure if I'm ever to sort this whole thing out I'll need to keep it all organized. Let's put that between the table and my desk, against the wall."

"There's also a parcel -- from your mother, I believe." Gallagher approached the bed with a large package wrapped in brown paper. "I fear it may have spoiled on the trip, madame. It seems to be exuding a most foul odor."

"From my Mom? Quick! Pass it over, Gallagher. I hope it's what I think it is!" Tess excitedly tore off the brown paper wrapping and read the note taped to the box beneath.

Tess, dear.
I kept it safe for you as requested.
All is fine here.
With much love,

Mom

Tess shook the box in her hands, pressed it to her nose, and wrinkled her face in disgust. "It is, Gallagher! It is!" she shouted happily.

"It is what, madame?"

"It's my Beautiful Phuckedupedness!"

"If you say so madame, but must we keep it here?!" Gallagher produced a canister of Sweet Ocean Breezes and sprayed it discreetly around the offending article.

"Of course we have to keep it here, Gallagher," Tess protested. "One simply cannot have their Beautiful Phuckedupedness wandering the streets -- it could be dangerous! What's more, not only do we have to keep it, we have to love it." She opened the box and removed a small black creature who blinked, stared curiously about the room, and then burrowed into the warmth beneath the blankets.

Gallagher's brows arched high above his eyes. "Must we, madame?" he queried hesitantly.

"Absolutely." Tess declared. It's imperative! If we don't love our Beautiful Phuckedupedness, who will? Nonetheless, we can probably get away with keeping it at the back of the garden. Now, what else do we have?"

Gallagher lifted a large ornate box from the packing crate in the center of the room and leaned forward to blow the dust from its top. "We have a box marked Property of Pandora. I assume I'm not to open this one, madame?"

"Ha! Very funny," Tess said. "But you be careful with that one, Gallagher, I might need that later."

Gallagher nodded thoughtfully and carefully set the box aside. "And what about this?" he asked as he pulled a long slender tube labeled Seven Deadly Sins from the crate. "Oh my! Where shall I put these?"

"Ooooh." Tess' face puckered into a wince. "How about out in the garden, next to my Beautiful Phuckedupedness?"

"Smashing decision, madame!"

"Ooooh, this is so much fun! It's almost like Christmas." Tess rapidly tapped her toes together to signal her extreme pleasure. "What's next?"

"Just one more item." Gallagher carefully unwrapped a large vial from an enclosure of several layers of bubble wrap. "This would be your . . ." His fingers clutched at the label hanging from the neck of the bottle. "Ahhh, yes. It's your Essence of Saving Graces."

"Gimme! Gimme!!" Tess reached her arms outward and tenderly took the vial in her hands. She loosened the lid and inhaled deeply of the perfume. Mmmm! This smells so good! Here, have a whiff," she said as she extended the bottle his way.

Gallagher bent forward and passed his nose briefly over the bottle. "It is quite lovely, madame. Quite! It smells of sunshine."

"Yes," Tess said with a grin. "And laughter and sea urchins and honesty and a million miles away!"

"Intoxicating, madame. Where did you find it?"

"Why, it's nothing more than Friendship distilled into its very own purity, Gallagher. I'll bet you have a bottle of your very own upstairs somewhere." She pressed a fingertip over the opening and dabbed a little of the precious liquid behind each ear as she sighed a great happy sigh. "Put this one on the mantle, Gallagher. I like to keep it nearby."

"Very well, madame. Now, are there any other parcels or packages I should know about?"

Tess paused and stared pensively into space. "I don't know, Gallagher. Often I don't know what's coming until the very last minute and sometimes, not at all. I suppose there might be. But there will be guests, I know that much."

"Should I let them all in, madame?"

"Of course. Everyone is welcome." Tess paused. "Except . . ."

"Except that one, madame?"

"Yes, Gallagher. Except that one."

"And why is that, madame?"

"It's because... because . . ." Distress shadowed Tess' face. "Some things are truly evil, Gallagher," she said quietly. "And a hemorrhoid is hardly justice. Leprosy might be more fitting."

Gallagher nodded silently. "How am I to tell the difference between those who are good and those who are not?"

"It will be difficult. Like god, the face and form is always different -- it's always changing. But if the guest is good, you'll hear it here," and she tapped her chest three times. "But if they're bad, you'll hear it here." And she made a fist and pressed it in against her stomach.

"I understand perfectly," Gallagher replied.

"Good." Tess sighed with relief. "Anyway, enough of all that. What a wonderful day it's been already. We should celebrate. I know! Let's have some ice-cream."

"I'd love to, madame," Gallagher said. "But I do believe your Beautiful Phuckedupedness already ate all that we had."

"Oh. Hmmm. Yes. She does that." Tess shrugged her shoulders. "I guess, we'll just have to get some more then."

Floor Plan of Apartment 311A
of the Cloud Cuckoo Land Motel

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