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Jung concluded that every person has a story.
When derangement occurs, it is because the
personal story has been denied or rejected.

Healing and integration comes when the person discovers or
rediscovers his or her own personal story.


Preamble

In the early fall of 2001, I joined an online community that had an area devoted to life stories. I lurked for about four months and then, compelled, I began to write. What follows is the story that fell out of my head over the space of about a month. It was originally titled Under the Cyber Bed as based on a practice I'd once had with an online Friend – under the cyber bed is where we used to go if we were scared, upset, or hurting.

Initially, I thought I was just writing a collection of simple childhood anecdotes, but very quickly, an assertive new voice emerged. Since I was just playing around with no particular course in mind, I gave it free rein. I let it have its say. That was exactly what I needed to do for that was the voice that needed to speak -- that was the voice that had been silenced. I found that, rather than spell things out in concrete terms, the voice would emerge to dangle a clue and beckon me to follow. More often than not, that clue came in the form of music, poetry, or a written passage of work that had resonated within me for months without my knowing why.

Those who danced were thought to be quite insane
by those who could not hear the music.

Angela Monet

 There is a great deal of music in this story. For me, the music was but one pathway that allowed me to enter into the experience. For the reader who wishes to truly experience this story, I suggest that you go into the music. Most people choose to skip over the music, and that's fine. I can't insist that you read the story any particular way, I can only tell you that the music is as much a part of the story as the words and more often than not, spoke where I could not. On many of these pages and again at the end of the story you'll find links to those who lent their voices where mine was mute. Please buy their books or albums if something there rings true for you. [A word about copyright.] Also note that some pages (such as this one) have comments in the side bar that help clarify a process within the story to the reader.

One of the most difficult aspects of telling this story is that it took place on multiple levels of experience – often parts of it were occurring simultaneously but the only format available for telling the story is linear which doesn't capture the experience as it truly blossomed into opening. I've tried to provide some clarity for the reader by using different text color and fonts to provide setting cues to the reader, but understanding those multiple levels depends to a large degree on the sensitivity of the reader. Nonetheless, if you are feeling confused please refer to this basic guide:

Black = Present State of Reality
Brown = Distant Past (i.e., Childhood)
Italicized Brown = Not So Distant Past
Midnight Blue = Present Altered State of Reality
Deep Purple/Music = Emerging Content/Emotion
Under no circumstances would I encourage anyone else to do what I did without the support of a caring and competent therapist. What follows is simply the way my personal experience manifested outside of the boundaries of a therapeutic relationship. Bear in mind that with rare exception, everything that the reader sees in the side bars -- the links, the books, the quotes -- I didn't have any of that when I went under the cyber bed or when I emerged. I just had the experience of the story. Interpreting the story came later.

I didn't sit down to write the story I wrote. The story erupted out of me. Soon, I wasn't writing the story at all -- the story was writing me. It's important to note that the characters and events in this story are based on real people and real events, although names and even genders have been changed to protect the innocent. So, grab a cup of tea and make yourself comfortable, this is my story . . .


November ~ 2000

There's a way I've been told
If we walk together
It keeps us from this cold

On the sidewalks of these streets
lie the broken dreams
scattered at our feet

There's a shadow on this land
A growing darkness
A cruel and senseless hand

This block won't be the same
Now ... the music's there
But somehow, something's changed

Lead me on
I don't mind
I'll come forward
Laughing every time
All my friends
They've gone underground

Go underground






"Trust that which gives you meaning and accept it as your guide."

Carl Jung


The primitive mentality does not invent myths, it experiences them.  Myths are original revelations of the preconscious psyche. Many of these unconscious processes may be indirectly occasioned by consciousness, but never by conscious choice. Others appear to arise spontaneously, that is to say, from no discernible or demonstrable conscious cause.

The Jung Lexicon