When Tess stumbled sleepily from the bedroom Gallagher was already up and sitting at the table. He had a chess board laid out in front of him. Tess went to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee and then joined him at the table. Gallagher looked up and smiled. She yawned, sipped her coffee, and smiled back. "Are we going to play?" she asked.
"No," Gallagher said. "We're going to try something different. Which one are you?"
"That's easy," Tess said. She quickly scanned the board, lifted the Black Queen out of the arranged pieces and set it to one side of the board.
"Why black?"
"Because I understand shadows," she said. "I understand the dark."
"All right," Gallagher said. "Which one is your AC?"
Tess selected the White Bishop from among the pieces and placed it next to the Black Queen.
"Why white?"
"Because he is pure."
"And Limh?" he asked.
"L is for Limh," Tess intoned as she placed the Black Knight next to the other two pieces.
"What about Leprosy Man, is he here?" Gallagher questioned.
Tess went to the kitchen and opened the cutlery drawer. She returned with a long butcher's knife and placed it along the farthest edge of the table.
Gallagher carefully observed her actions and made some notes on his clipboard. "And your mother?"
Tess made a circling motion through the air with one hand.
"What does that mean?" Gallagher asked.
"She's here. Everywhere," Tess replied. "Is this an official session?"
"No, not really," Gallagher said. "Why?"
"I need a smoke," she said as she rummaged in the pockets of her robe.
"Do you want that knife there?"
"No."
"Then why don't you get rid of it," Gallagher suggested.
Tess picked up the knife, walked to the garden doors, opened them, and then pitched the knife right off of Cloud Cuckoo Land.
She returned to the table.
"Better?" Gallagher asked.
"Much," she sighed.
"Good," Gallagher said. "Now, we have all the key players right here."
Tess shook her head, no.
"No? Who are we missing?" he asked.
Tess reached out, took a White Pawn from the pieces and placed it with the others.
"Who is that?"
"Five-Star Woman," Tess said.
"Why is she there?" he questioned.
"She has to be there, Gallagher. I realized that last night. She's hurting too. If we're going to fix me," she explained, "we have to fix my AC. But if his Beloved is hurting, then how can we fix him, and then fix me? She just needs a little fix from us though -- a wee tadly one," Tess said as she pinched two fingers together.
"Okay, then. Is there anyone else we need to add?" Gallagher asked.
Tess paused, examined the remaining pieces and reached out for the Black King. "My Beloved," she said. "I don't think he needs any fixing but I might get lonely. And I need his strength. We'd better keep him close to me."
Gallagher nodded. "Are there any other characters in this play?"
"Just bit players," Tess replied. "No one important. Oh! Except for Skadi." She placed a Black Bishop with the other pieces. "Skadi doesn't need to be fixed at all, she's self ack-choo-a-lized. But she's important and she's a friend, and it's always a good thing to have a friend nearby. Besides, even self-actualized people need hugs. As for the rest of those pieces, we don't need any more. Everyone's here," she said with a wave of her hand.
Gallagher scooped the remaining chess pieces back into the box and tucked it away on the shelf. He went to the kitchen, poured himself a cup of coffee and came back to the table. "Why don't we talk about Five-Star Woman," he said.
"Okay," Tess said. "What do you want to know about her?"
"Why don't you tell me what you know," Gallagher said.
"I don't know her at all," Tess replied. "She and I never made a connection, although I sure as hell tried. I only know her through the eyes of my AC."
"Tell me about that then," Gallagher said as he leaned back in his chair.
Tess closed her eyes and spoke. "She's beautiful," she said. "She has blue eyes; that was what my AC fell in love with first. Also, she's sexy, and she looks drop dead gorgeous through a clear shower curtain. And she's very warm, and kind, and generous -- just not to me," she added. "And that's all."
"That's all?"
"That's all ... for now," she corrected.
"How do you feel about her?"
"For the longest time I thought she was wonderful," Tess replied. "Even when she and my AC were having problems and I knew he'd been hurt by her. But when things were good, she made him very happy and that's what I thought was the wonderful part. She made him happy and it was very nice to see him happy. He's just a regular person -- like you or me. He deserved to be happy. Anyway, I never lost touch of his vision of her until she hurt me."
"When was that?"
"The September before last," she said. "September is a bad month."
"What happened in September?" Gallagher asked.
"Lots of things . . ." she said. "My AC's father died in September, for instance. And my mom got sick again, right after that. That was three Septembers ago. My mom had been sick before but she'd always beat it. But the September before last I realized that this time, that wasn't going to happen. This time, she really was going to die. Those were strange days. That's when all my grief came home."
Tess sighed. "So, I was trying to find some way to be happy in the midst of all that and one day, I realized that I finally had enough points saved up to fly myself and my Beloved out to visit my AC and his Beloved for free. I'd been saving them up for two years, and eleven years before that. The idea of actually being able to meet made me happy. He and I had hoped that could happen at some point. I sent him a note to tell him, and suggested that we visit the following May. He talked to his Beloved about that and she said, Who knows what we'll be doing in May? When I heard that, I realized it was just another excuse. It was just a way of pushing something off, just like she'd pushed off ever actually getting to know me."
"Months later, I found out that they had a huge fight about it. She didn't want me in her home at all, Gallagher." Tess grimaced. "I'd never not been welcome in someone's home before."
"Then later, when my mother really was dying, I told my AC what was happening but he couldn't check on me because it would have meant another huge fight. But my mother was dying! Was it really going to end their marriage if he sent me a note to ask how I was doing? If he sent me a wee {{{{HUG}}}} through cyberspace?"
She sighed again. "And their baby," Tess said, "I thought she looked just like her daddy and that was nice for him because he had no one else to say that to him, all of Five-Star Woman's family thought she looked just like her mommy. Anyway, when I sent a crystal -- a rainbow catcher for the baby's room -- she bought blinds. And when I sent my favorite book on raising a daughter, she got upset as if I was saying she wasn't a good mother. And when I sent my childrens' absolute very favorite bedtime story of all time . . . she threw it in the garbage. I tracked that title down special, Gallagher."
Tess sighed once more. "No matter what I did to reassure or appease her, I just couldn't do it. Nothing I did was right. Even at the very end, I sent her a note and told her I'd never meant to hurt her. I asked her,Please, can't we talk about this? Does it have to be this way? But she never answered. She hardly answered any of my notes, Gallagher. She was scared of me because she didn't know me but she never even tried to know me. If she had, she wouldn't have been scared anymore. I wasn't out to steal her husband from her."
Tess sighed and shifted in her seat. "Those are the hurts I need to forgive her for. Those are the hurts I need to let go of."
"Do you know how to do that?" Gallagher asked.
"I think it will help to know that it wasn't malicious. It wasn't intentional. She wasn't really trying to hurt me, she was just trying to make herself feel safe. I can understand that, but I'm still hurt. I'll figure that out though, one way or another."
She sighed. "Is that enough for now? I'm in desperate need of a shower. Can we stop?"
"Okay," Gallagher agreed. "You go have your shower. I'm going to read my books for awhile."
Tess smiled wistfully. "Did I say thank you yet, for doing this for me?"
Gallagher shrugged. "What goes around, comes around."
